Those of us who watched Seinfeld on a regular basis will remember Elaine’s designer boyfriend Brett, who, anytime he heard the Eagles’ “Desperado”, would stop whatever he was doing as he stared into space, lost in the emotion of the song. At one point, with Elaine chatting away next to him, he desperately asks, “Elaine, will you just not talk for one minute??” For some of us, that silence can be an easy comfort. Not so for journalist and comedy writer Dan Lyons. He is convinced that his self-diagnosed “talkaholism” has lost him jobs and relationships over the years, and just generally annoyed people. Thus was the inspiration for his new book: STFU: The Power of Keeping Your Mouth Shut in a World that Won’t Stop Talking.
Lyons dubbs our current era of social media, multi-tasking, and being constantly plugged in an “age of agitation”, in which we have largely lost the ability to just sit quietly and listen. In speaking on the amount of meetings are held each year in America (over one billion), over half are said to have been a waste of time by the attendees. “So”, as Lyons puts it, “you have this phenomenon of people talking for the sake of talking and tweeting for the sake of tweeting.” In STFU, Lyons claims that what leaders should be doing is focusing on becoming quieter, and thus better listeners. In a new article from Chief Executive Magazine, Lyons share some tips on just how to do this.
First off, quantify your talking. He recommends having meetings recorded and transcribed. Once you can see how much you are talking, it’s easy to figure out if you need to be doing it less. Secondly, get quiet. Literally just take some time to not only be silent yourself, but to be in silence. Meditate, take a nature walk with no other purpose than to be away from screens and the influx of data we are constantly receiving. Third, grow your listening skills. There are some amazing exercises that coaches have to become better listeners. These include interviews and/or listening to others for extended periods of time without speaking, and then writing down what you remember at the end, among other things. Fourth; get offline. As Lyons states of the online and social media communities: “The noise will never go away, but we can.” Unplug from your accounts for a little each day, then a little more. Most of us can’t disconnect completely, but taking a break each day is necessary. And lastly, just literally say fewer words. Need to run a meeting? Use the art of the 25-Minute meeting (featured on this blog last Fall). Begin to condense what you need to say into fewer words, and free up everyone’s time. Check out the full article here and see how you can bask in the glory of some healthy silence.